Aliens: Colonial Marines

Playing Colonial Marines is a bit like having a drunk friend try to explain the experience of Aliens vs Predator 2. In between the poor decision making, annoying asides and assorted bullcrap there is glimpses of something definately worth playing.

Unfortunately, it takes a lot of sifting to find the diamond in this particular bit of rough.

Protip: If your Aliens game features close combat, something
has gone horribly wrong.

      Source

Lets start with the games introduction. Thing start allright with the usual Ooh-Rah speech by the resident military tough guy and a distress call by Corporal Hicks from the Aliens film. So in no time you, Cpl. Winter, and a band of plucky marines are sent across to the spaceship Sulaco to see what's wrong.

It's at this point, about 2 minutes into gameplay, that things first fall down. As you walk across an embilical between your ship and the Sulaco things actually start exploding and bodies rain through space. Suddenly, with absolutely no build up, you are in the middle of a Michael Bay movie and things only get more action packed from there.

When you're on the ship there are dead bodies and Alien goop everywhere, along with the obligatory friend who's allready been facehugged. Yet, because everyone is so busy shooting guns and causing explosions, noone even vaugley reacts. While there may be the occasional 'Whats that?' the marines, for the most part seem to take their declining situation in stride.

Their sexy stride

Source

 Of course, maybe they're so calm because the Aliens just aren't that scary. No, far from the slink, swift-moving death machines of the films and Rebellions seminal games the Xenomorphs in Colonial Marines are boxy, badly animated and apparently fond of the Michael Jackson moon walk.

They employ all the same tricks of every Aliens game and film ever made but while the slowly speeding beep of the motion tracker preceding a burst vent and black shiny death used to get my pulse racing here it just makes me sigh wearily before despatching the latest in a long line of disposable foes.

Things only get worse when the human enemies appear, while previous entries in the Franchise have made human betrayl a key story point here it's clear that the humans are only there as more active foes then their alien counterparts. More then likely because somebody at Gearbox thought 'People liked Gears of War and that had guns in it' and shoved them in here.

Sadly for that genius the combination of their poorly executed appearance, cliched getup (They're not even Weyland Yutani security...they're a 'PMC' aka that thing every game had two years ago) and bad AI make them even less consequential then the Aliens.

Weyland Yutani: Screw you, that's why

Source

As I said, every now and then we get glimpses of the game that might have been. The weapon sounds and occasional snippets of dialogue are captured perfectly and the Pulse Rifle is once more modelled with loving detail.

When the game is allowed to slow down and build tension we get the best sense of what we missed. There are a few moments of genuinely great storytelling and gameplay, mostly focussed around the shady dealings of Weyland Yutani and the fate of LV-421s doomed colonists. There's even a character nod to Vasquez always dies, which is nice.

Overall I could not be more disappointed. I have been looking forward to, and actively promoting, this game for months. I had hoped for a return to the greatness of AvP 1 and 2, what I got was something that very nearly rubs shoulders with the atrocious reboot from a few years ago.

Until next time, Let us say Skål! and drink together..

Changes

So I start my new job (amazing, just fyi) and after finishing sit down to write this post. Of course my computer picks this moment to die.

Ah well, as promised I'm going to break down the changes coming to the blog. Unfortunately, it boils down to fewer posts a week.

While I was previously able to post 5 days a week, I'll now be moving to a three update schedule. Posts will now go up Monday, Wednesday and Friday, though there's the chance of small updates or news flashes outside this.

For anyone who needs more Viking Gamer in their lives there's. Always my twitter feed (later nk to the right) which will continue being updated.

Until Wednesday then my friends, let us say Skal! and drink together

Brief Intermission and Changes to the Blog

Hello! As some of you will be aware yesterday was my last day at a job I had been plugging away at for several years. The more canny reader may have noticed that most of my updates were done during working hours and only on work days. The reason for this is that while I was good at my job and worked with some charming people I often had free time I decided to use creatively.

Now, on Monday I will be starting at my new company and expect a much heavier workload. However, before that I am busily fitting a new kitchen in the Great Hall and as such will be preoccupied for the next several days.

What this means in short is that the blog will have a short intermission for the rest of this week, and pick up again on Monday.

On Monday I will be announcing some changes to the post schedule to better reflect my increased workload.

Thanks to everyone reading this for helping me get this far, and I hope you'll bear with me for the future.

Sincerely,
               The Viking Gamer

(Skal!)

3 Real Weapons we need in Videogames

I'm a big advocate of Videogames in many respects, and one of my favourites is promoting games as stress relief. It may sound odd but there really isn't anything that calms me down as much as sitting down, zoning out and blasting pixelated enemies into gory oblivion.

But I'm not crazy! Right Guys?...Guys?

Source

I've spoken before about how the best tools for these cathartic rampages are those with soul and substance...but since we're obviously gonna continue down the Borderlands/Jak and Daxter route of craziness for the sake of craziness I have a few real-world weapons that would make even the Gunzerker blush.

These are the weapons too crazy for games, not quite crazy enough to not exist.

3) Weaponized Dolphins

Imagine you're playing a game that allready has some pretty crazy weaponry, let's say Dishonored. Now, on this particular play-through you've fallen into the water to escape a strider but what's this? Your health is dropping! A damn hagfish is attacking! Except of course, because this is a game, you can't hit them back because water is to videogame protagonists what carbonite is to Han Solo.

At this point you can either suck it up and take the damage, jump out of the water and shoot at it like Cnut on a really bad day at the beach or reload and try not to get spotted in the first place.

Now imagine if you could throw a dolphin at it. A highly trained, Liam Neeson of a Dolphin.

Know this, I have a very particular set of skills that make me a nightmare
for tuna like you...

   Source

This was basically what the US Navy was thinking when they commissioned the 'Marine Mammal Programme' and started training Dolphins and Sea Lions for a variety of naval warfare missions. Now apparently none of these involved blowing themselves up like adorable underwater terrorists but that doesn't make them pretty intense like this quote from that wikipedia (pinch of salt warning) article:

"When an enemy diver is detected by a dolphin, the dolphin approaches from behind and bumps a device into the back of the enemy's air tank. This device is attached to a buoy which then floats to the surface, alerting the Navy personnel of the intruder. Sea lions carry a similar device in their mouth, but instead attach it by hand-cuffing one of the enemy's limbs"

Holy crap! As somone who used to dive pretty frequently let me just say this: If you're getting body-slammed by a dolphin or handcuffed by a sea-lion then that is one seriously bad day.

2) The Speech-Suppression Gun

Now, let's say you've been on a serious gaming binge. You've played for six hours straight and are nearing the end. Finally you kick in the final level door and are greeted by 300 goons, all shouting their single line of recorded dialogue. 

Just one line, over and over again.

It's enough to drive anyone crazy...but what if you could actually silence them with just one trigger pull (instead of one very loud and noisy spray). Well, if your game is made in Japan (Hi there Androgynous Heroes!) you should be doing just that because a research team in Japan made a speech-supressing gun that fires your own words back at you making your brain do something akin to a face-plant.

Well, I sure don't see any troubling future implications of this!

       Source

1) The Lightning Missile

(Quick Hat tip to www.cracked.com for educating me that these exist)

Farcry now, and you're waiting for the convoy to complete it's incredibly aribtrary route before it comes back and detonates the mine you've set in the road. It's a routine you've done at least a dozen times before in order to get all the upgrades from the local arms dealer.

If only there was a way to make it more exciting, something a bit jazzier then a normal explosion.

Something like this:

Hallelujah! Thor is Real! And he's Pissed!

Source

That picture, which looks like Thor and Zeus both really hate that tower, is the aftermath of a Lightning Rocket a completely real thing which uses rockets with some form of conductive agent (wire, superconductive liquids etc) to cause a weatherfront to prematurely give up it's electric love.

Why? Well apparently because while some Scientists study rocks or global warming, other scientists look at a thundercloud and go 'You know what, Fuck that guy'.

Until next time, Let us say Skål! and drink together...

The Church

So, this happened.

It also got me thinking about how much of an impact the Catholic Church still has on the world even when we in the West are in increasingly secular societies. I mean the story is covering half of the BBCs news page and a quick browse around the web shows similar coverage on every major news outlet along with alot of chatter on most social media sites.

Even Gaming, a thoroughly modern medium and one that normally goes out of its way to not offend anyone (well, normally) by even mentioning religion, probably owes more then you'd think to the Holy See.

Pope-Kart Racing never caught on though...

Source

See, while the modern church is more famous for scandals then it is trendsetting, the Church itself has been around for nearly 2000 years. That's plenty of time to spawn some pretty ass kicking tropes, especially for an organization that's not been historically shy to throw its weight around.

To illustrate my point I'll need you to think of any religion that featured prominently in a game, particularly fantasy games but not necessarily . Do any or all of the following points apply:

• Fanatical, heavily armed adherents

• A singular, clearly defined 'Evil' enemy
  
• Tendency towards brawny guys in full suits of armour
  
• A promise of salvation/paradise for falling in action

Congratulations, you've just conjured up the Church Militant and its many subtle variations. This is almost always the way that in-game Religions are built. Sometimes because it's a useful Quest-giving tool, sometimes in response to the unimagineable evil present in the world and sometimes as the villain. Whatever the reason for their appearance, they all can trace back to a singular parent in the Orders Militant of the post-Crusades Catholic Church.

Hell, The Agency from the Hitman series is literally just this; a group within the Catholic Church acting as violent assasins...kung-fu nuns sold seperately.

The only obvious exception to this trend is in Dead Space. There the Church of Unitology is a less-then-subtle take down of Scientology. In fairness, I think most people can get on board with that.

Now all that remains is to ask: With the Pope leaving does this mean Agent 47 can gain the seat of St. Peter?

Until next time, Let us say Skål! and drink together...

Soon...

Soon Ill finally have this in UK cinemas...

 

 

Xbox 720 Rumours

Well, if the Daily Mail reports it...it must be true!

Seriously though, rumours have been going nuts for the last few weeks about the new Xbox (probably 720 but possibly 'Kryptos') and how it will run. There's a pretty comprehensive breakdown over at GamesRadar, but for those of you who want it right now here we go:

• Unsuprisingly, it's going to be stupidly powerful. The term 'Teraflop' is one that sounds like the arousal caused by MMO and chainmail bikini purveyor Tera online but actually means a ridiculous amount of processing power.
• Depending on who you believe it will either be £300 odd pounds or £100 but act as a cable/satellite set-top box. GamesRadar quotes Comcast but as Sky already have a distribution app for customers on Xbox I could see a similar deal coming forward on this side of the pond. Good way to tie up entire households leisure time in one source.
• Supposedly it's going to require an 'always on' internet connection. A lot of people are up in arms about this but realistically I think this is how games are going. We've seen it more and more on the PC and PS3 and eventually the Xbox would follow up.
• Of more concern is reports (like the Daily Mail story above) that the 720 (I refuse to call it Kryptos) will require games to come with 'activation codes' that stop disc-swapping and second hand sales. Now we've all heard how the second hand market is under attack by the Games Industry, eager to get some of the money back from retailers, but this would be the first real step on consoles.
  
  It could also tragically backfire, if this turns out to be true not only have Microsoft abandoned one of the fundamental strengths of console gaming but they leave themselves open to Sony, prepping their own PS4, to either abandon DRM or simply come up with something a bit easier and a significant chunk of sales might swing their way.

That's the main points for now, apologies for the text heavy post, flu continues to assail me!

Until next time friends, let us say Skål! and drink together